


The Meaning of Love

by hopisunshine



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angel Choi Soobin, Gen, Heavy Angst, Human Choi Yeonjun, I'm sorry for this, M/M, Mention of Beomgyu and Hyuka, Mention of Namjoon, This is really angsty please be careful, Unrequited Love, mention of car accident, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27624397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopisunshine/pseuds/hopisunshine
Summary: Guardian angel Soobin falls in love with his protected human Yeonjun. After years of taking care of the human, Soobin makes the hard decision to give up his immortality to be with him. The only problem is Yeonjun doesn’t know Soobin.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	The Meaning of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my debut as an ao3 writer I hope you like it haha 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE TAGS!! This is heavily angst and could be a trigger to someone, please be careful while reading it.

Soobin never understood the concept of love. All through his thousands of years looking after humans, he never understood how can someone be so devoted to another person to the point of choosing to spend the rest of their lives with them. Sometimes they even give up on things or change their dreams just to be close to them. Humans don’t live for long and yet they choose to spend their time with someone.

He saw a lot of things in the years of his existence. People falling in love with each other - even though he doesn’t really know what “fall in love” feels like - and growing old together. People falling in love for someone they shouldn’t or for someone who was sick and had just a few more months to spend. People getting hurt, but still loving the ones who hurt them. Unrequited love, platonic love, obsessive love. There were so many types of love and yet Soobin never understood what is love. Until he met Yeonjun.

Soobin was assigned to take care of Yeonjun when the human was about fifteen years old. He was a normal teenager with lots of friends and a good life. He was too clumsy for his own good, but nothing really serious happened to him throughout his life. He was bubbly and talkative and everyone around him seemed to like him. He lived a great life until his world came crashing.

He was seventeen when it all happened. He was spending time in a friend’s house after school when he received a call from his neighbor saying his parents got into a car accident and telling him to rush to the hospital. Yeonjun lost his mother on that day and his father got too debilitated and in need of care for the rest of his life. Seventeen-year-old Yeonjun had to organize his mother’s funeral and admit his father to a psychological hospital. He had to grow up too fast and he ended up losing his bubbly personality and talkative self. 

After that Yeonjun shut himself down to the world. He finished school, but he never went to college. He didn’t have any other relationships or friends, too scared of losing the ones he loves again. He even tried to take his life, but something always reminded him that his father still needed him and he would end up giving up. That something was Soobin. He was by his side on the endless crying nights, patting his back to give support even though he knew Yeonjun couldn’t feel him there. He was with him every time he went to visit his father, silently giving him comfort with his calming aura. He was with him throughout every change, calming him and reassuring him through his dreams that everything was gonna be fine. 

Eventually, Yeonjun got back to his old self. His fear of losing someone was still hidden deep inside, but he tried his best to go on with his life. His father had some improvements as the years went by and things started to fall into place again. Never truly the way it was, but much better than before. And Soobin stayed there by his side. He watched Yeonjun get new friends and get the job of his dreams. He watched him fall in love multiple times and sometimes get hurt from it, but he would always keep his head up and go on with his life. Soobin was there for all his ups and downs and without even noticing he fell in love.

He didn’t know he was in love with Yeonjun until his superiors told him he didn’t need to take care of him anymore. “ _He is safe now, he doesn’t need your comforting aura anymore_ ”, they said and Soobin, being the obedient subordinate he was, nodded and went back to his quarters. He tried to get back to the routine he had before being assigned to Yeonjun, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the human. At first, Soobin thought he was just worried that Yeonjun could have another relapse, but he didn’t have those in years so it didn’t make sense for him to be worried about that. After that, he thought that maybe he just missed the human since he spent a few years taking care of him, but yet again he took care of humans before longer than that and he never felt attached to them as he felt with Yeonjun. After weeks of being discharged from his duty, every centimeter of him was itching for him to go after the human and see how he was doing and Soobin thought he was going to go insane.

\- What’s up with that face? - Kai asked sitting by the angel’s side.

\- I think I’m going insane Hyuka.

\- Why?

\- I can’t stop thinking about Yeonjun. I don’t why, but I feel this need to be by his side. I worry about him every day even though I know he is doing fine. What is wrong with me?

\- I think you’re getting old.

\- You brat! I’m serious!

\- I’m just joking hyung - Kai said laughing and dodging Soobin’s slap - But maybe you’re just worried? I mean you spent a lot of years with him and he went through a lot of stuff. Maybe you’re just worried about his well being.

\- Yeah, but I’ve never been this attached to a human before. I’m scared of what this means…

\- Try and talk to Namjoon hyung, maybe he can help you understand what you’re feeling.

Kai patted Soobin’s back and got up to go back to his duties. Soobin stayed in the gardens of heaven for a while, thinking about his feelings and feeling conflicted and confused. Later that day, he knocked on Namjoon’s door to seek the angel’s guidance.

\- Come in! - The voice said from inside.

\- Excuse me Namjoon hyung, can I talk to you for a second? - Soobin asked, only his head inside the room.

\- Soobin! Of course, come on in. Sit down, please - Namjoon said smiling and pointing to the chair in front of him where Soobin seated - How can I help you?

\- I’m confused.

\- About what?

\- Yeonjun.

\- The human you took care of for the last seven years? - Soobin nodded - And why are you confused about him?

\- I can’t stop thinking and worrying about him. I never got so attached to a human before and I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this, but I just want to be by his side all the time. I want to keep taking care of him and making sure he is doing fine. I want to visit his father with him and pat his back when he cries at night. I want to see his smile and laugh at his silly jokes even though they are not directed at me. I just want to be with him.

\- That’s interesting… I’ve heard of this happening before, but I never truly saw it with my own eyes.

\- What? Am I sick? Do angels even get sick?

\- No - Namjoon laughed and held Soobin’s hand - You’re in love.

\- In love? That’s not possible! Angels don’t fall in love, hyung.

\- They do sometimes. It’s really rare, but it does happen sometimes.

\- But… How is that possible? What am I going to do now? We can’t be together…

\- I don’t know how that is possible, I wish I could tell you. Maybe your souls have a connection. Who knows… And as for what you can do, there’s not much honestly. The best option is to endure it.

\- Is there any other option? I don’t think I can endure this for the rest of my existence.

\- There is, but… It takes too much.

\- What is it? - Soobin asked eagerly making Namjoon hesitate for a moment.

\- You can become a human.

\- Is that even possible?

\- Well… You were a human before.

\- Yes, but that was centuries ago… And even if I go back, wouldn’t I have to be born again?

\- There are some other ways…

\- Which are?

\- You… - Namjoon looked at Soobin and sighed - You can give up your immortality… Be expelled from heaven and became a fallen angel.

Soobin spent the next few days thinking about his talk with Namjoon. Angels can reincarnate as humans every once in a while, but they always come back to heaven after their life on earth ends. Being a fallen angel means they can never come back, they will be forever trapped on earth or even become demons. It’s a decision one shouldn’t make, but it was the easiest decision Soobin ever had to take.

\- WHAT? - Kai screamed catching the attention of some angels passing by.

\- Stop screaming!

\- You said you’re going to do what?

\- I’m going to ask to be expelled from heaven so I can be with Yeonjun.

\- Are you out of your mind?

\- I love him Hyuka.

\- I don’t care! You can’t do that! If you become a fallen angel you can never come back here!

\- I know.

\- He doesn’t even know you!

\- I know.

\- And yet you’re willing to give everything up for him?

\- Yes.

\- What if he doesn’t love you? What are you going to do then? You’ll be all alone there. You’ll have no friends, no family, no one.

\- I can at least try… I can’t keep living the rest of my existence knowing I could’ve felt love and gave up on that.

\- I don’t understand hyung - Kai said, his eyes full of tears.

\- I didn’t understand before too - Soobin said hugging his long-term friend.

On the day of Soobin’s departure, he felt anxious for the first time since he took this decision. He hugged Kai three times and tried to soothe the crying angel saying it was going to be alright. He asked for Kai to look after him and hoped they could see each other again someday. He said his farewell to Namjoon and his other friends and headed to the archangel’s quarters to talk to his superior.

\- Are you sure about this Soobin? You know the consequences right?

\- Yes, sir. I’m sure of it.

\- Very well. Good luck then. We’ll take care of you from here.

\- Thank you, sir.

The archangel touched his head and Soobin fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

The next time he woke up he was laying in a hospital bed and being checked by a nurse.

\- Oh you woke up! How are you feeling?

\- What happened?

\- A guy found you passed out on the street and they brought you here. You have no documents with you, is there someone I can call?

\- I… Don’t have anyone…

\- Oh... Do you remember where your house is?

\- I don’t know...

\- Hm... Stay here okay? I’ll bring you food in a second.

Soobin nodded and looked at his surroundings trying to understand what happened. The last time he knows he was in heaven with the archangels and now he was laying in a hospital bed on earth. His thoughts were interrupted by someone opening the curtains surrounding his bed. His heart started beating fast when he saw who it was.

\- Hi! The nurse said you were awake so I thought I would check on you. I’m Yeonjun, I’ve found you unconscious on the street near my house - Yeonjun smiled at him while Soobin stared in awe at him - Are you feeling alright?

\- Yes! Thank you for finding me and bringing me to the hospital.

\- It’s nothing! It’s not like I would let a person unconscious on the street - Yeonjun giggled making Soobin’s heart fasten - Anyways, I’m glad you’re fine, I hope you can go back home soon! I should be going now.

\- Wait! - Soobin said reaching to grab Yeonjun’s hand but letting it go quickly after - Can you… Stay for a bit?

\- Hm… Sure.

\- I’m sorry… This is probably awkward to you, I shouldn’t have asked.

\- No, it’s fine! Can you tell me your name?

\- Soobin.

\- Nice to meet you Soobin! Do you live in this area?

\- I don’t remember - Soobin lied, he couldn’t tell anyone he didn’t have a place to stay because he was not from earth. People would call him crazy.

\- Oh? Did you hit your head? - Yeonjun was interrupted by the nurse that came back with a doctor.

\- I’m back! This is doctor Kim, he will take care of you. You are still here Yeonjun-ssi - she said smiling at them.

\- Yeah, he asked me to stay for a bit.

\- I’ll ask you some questions okay? - The doctor asked and Soobin nodded - Is your name Choi Soobin? - Choi? He doesn’t have a surname, but it sounds correct so he nodded - Good. Are you from Guardian Angel Orphanage? - 

\- Uh… Yes? - Soobin said still confused.

\- We looked you up since you have no documents with you and it said you lived in that orphanage since you were a baby, but you left when you turned eighteen and they never heard of you again. According to your birth certificate, you have now twenty years old, is that correct? - Soobin nodded even though he was confused with everything - Good, we will make some tests to make sure your senses are working properly, but you should be out by the end of the day - The doctor said and left with the nurse following behind.

\- You lived in an orphanage your whole life? That’s so sad… - Yeonjun said pouting - Do you want me to help you make new documents?

\- Can you do that? I don’t want to disturb you, I’ve given you too much of a headache already.

\- Of course! You can stay at my house after you get out of here and we can go tomorrow morning, how does that sound?

\- Isn’t it stupid to let a stranger stay in your house? You should be more careful Yeonjun.

\- It probably is, but I’ll trust you. You won’t kill me in the night right? - Yeonjun laughed for a bit, but stopped when he saw Soobin was not laughing - Are you?!

\- Of course not!

They giggled and talked about random things until the doctor took Soobin to make exams. A few hours later he was discharged from the hospital and Yeonjun took Soobin to eat something and home right after. The next morning they went to make Soobin’s documents and Soobin stayed living with Yeonjun until he found a job and got enough money to rent a house of his own. This is how their friendship began and Soobin thanked the heavens every day for helping him. They quickly became good friends and each day Soobin fell more and more in love. He knew Yeonjun didn’t feel the same, but being his friend was enough for him. Until it started to hurt.

Unrequited love. He saw it happening all the time when he still didn’t know what love was. He saw humans crying about loving someone who didn’t love them back and he never understood why it hurt so much until he felt it. Yeonjun and he have been friends for more than two years now and Soobin was gathering the courage to tell him that he liked him, but Yeonjun ruined everything when he introduced Soobin to his boyfriend Beomgyu. Soobin was happy for him, Beomgyu seemed nice and he had a good aura around him, but as the years passed and their relationship only got stronger, it started to hurt Soobin. He felt jealousy for the first time and got into a fight with Yeonjun for the first time. He also cried for the first time. 

He never knew unrequited love hurt this much and now he understands why those people he saw cried. The one that watched his love get married to another person and cried while saying his speech, the one that was rejected after confessing and cried alone in his room, and the one like him who loved his best friend, but never confessed because they were happy with someone else and cried on the swings they used to play when they were little. It hurt more than the cut of the knife Soobin got when he was learning how to cook, it hurt more than when he broke his finger playing volleyball, it hurt in a way he never felt before.

Now Soobin finally understands what love is. He understands why people would do anything to feel loved and why are humans so desperate to find their significant other. Love is a beautiful feeling, you feel butterflies in your stomach when you first realize you like someone, you giggle while thinking of them, you want to spend all your free time with them. But as much as love brings happiness, it can bring a lot of pain as well. Some people give up on so many things for the ones they love and all they want is to be loved back and yet, sometimes it doesn’t happen that way and it feels so unfair.

And yet as Soobin cries at night because of his unrequited love and all the things he had to give up on because of it, he doesn’t regret it. Because he got to know Yeonjun more than he ever would and he can still be there for him just as he wished before. He is still by his side, he still goes to visit his father with him, he still pats his back when he is crying at night. Soobin still loves him, even though Yeonjun doesn’t love him back. And that’s enough for Soobin.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you cry? I'm really sorry if you did! Tell me what you think in the comments and leave kudos if you like it. 
> 
> If you want to read something light and full of fluff go to my twitter @miniminination and read my aus, I promise they are super cute and have happy endings haha


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